Two Hirsute Women Speak Out

Let me preface this article by Sally Sue by saying first that this was the most difficult story I’ve ever had to type/read. I received this letter the Saturday before Christmas. I opened the envelope, began reading while tears poured down my face. This woman was writing a story which included chapters about my life. No one else in the world had ever understood just what it was like being so hirsute. I was planning on writing a story similar to this so decided to combine my comments with Sally Sue’s so y’all would get a double-punch. All my comments are in italics. And for those men who still don’t get what we mean, refer to the story in Issue 4 entitled BEING A HIRSUTE WOMAN IN TODAY’S SOCIETY IS LIKE HAVING A THREE INCH DICK....and put yourself in our places.

This letter is for all readers who may wonder how it feels to be hirsute, and to all the subscribers who only look at the hair without realizing, at least on occasion, that there is a human being behind that hairy figure.

First let me say I believe that if given a choice, no woman would choose to be hirsute. Because the day to day struggles with being hirsute on both a mental and physical level are almost too painful to describe.

Pam agrees. Being naturally hairy is one thing, being overtly hirsute is another.

 Now, you may feel because we send in our pictures to this magazine or share our stories that we may be trying to glamorize or show off the fact that we are 'going natural' and are truly hirsute but I can say from my point of view that’s just not true. I’m honestly trying to say okay, if hairy women is what you like and you want to view us as sexual beings, than try to see us from the inside also. I would also like to reach out to the hirsute ladies who suffer the everyday obstacles I know you go through because I go through them also, and I know it sometimes seems just too much to go through every single f-ing day.

Too many men objectify hairy women and I always say, we are not hairy women, we are women who are hairy. Proud of being women, hairy or not

 Here are some things that we go through: my day starts by getting up like everyone else and usually having coffee and waking up. Pam doesn’t drink coffee! Then my next step is headed to the mirror only to see the hair on my face and most of my body is still there, like it or not. I then pull out my survival pack A.K.A. security blanket. I then begin what is usually a 30 to 45 minute process of plucking the worst hairs on my face, the ones that shaving can’t hide because they are too dark and coarse from my many years of shaving and trying to hide them from society’s ridicule. My second step is to take a shower just like everyone else but if I want to remove the hair so I can wear my skirts or shorts or lay out in the sun I must first remove the hair from my thighs, calves, feet and toes and this whole process usually takes another 45 minutes. Pam doesn't shave her legs any more, it’s been two years now and if someone doesn’t like looking at them, well, don’t look. Then, after all that then comes the finishing touches on the face. I then lather up my face and remove the rest of the ugly hair on my face by shaving my face and plucking any extra dark hair I might have missed. Usually by that point my legs are rashed from the long, grueling shaving process they were just subjected to and my face is usually raw and sore from all “it’s” been through as well.

You can’t understand the humiliation you go through every day of your life, as a woman, having to shave daily. It defeminizes you.

Then mentally I must convince myself that I must go on and face the day, one way or another, and try not to be bitter about life’s unfairness. I then put on my makeup and try to hide the rash and the few dark hairs that I may have missed missed shaving and plucking, You must then cosmetically cover-up with makeup and believe me, in 95 degree weather, thick goop on your face isn’t a pleasant sensation.

 Next I do my hair and get dressed which usually 9 times out of ten turns out to be jeans because the rash is too bad unless of course I don’t plan on leaving the house that day or it’s just too hot outside to care what others think.

Okay now, here’s some other things I’ve gone through also. I’m sure most hirsutes share these troubles as well. Try to imagine these things as I share them with you.

Imagine carrying around a deep, dark secret for the rest of your life. You don't allow anyone to get close to you, male or female or other, because of the fear of their knowing your secret. Imagine being deeply attracted to someone and knowing you will probably never get anywhere with them unless you share your deep, dark secret and knowing at that point you’ll probably lose them anyway. Imagine listening to someone on the telephone tell you about this “gross, disgusting” woman he had met on a blind date and realizing he is talking about you.

Imagine being afraid of a natural disaster and not being able to get to your razor, tweezers, and mirror. Fire in the middle of the night?? “Wait, Mr. Fireman, I have to shave first or put on make-up.....”

Imagine what it’s like for us at the Gynecologist when we get a Pap Smear because they usually find out your deep, dark secret. Sometimes they are then stupid enough to ask questions.

Imagine going to a specialist on hirsutism, an endocrinologist, and having him tell you you are the “most severe case he has ever seen”. That sure plumps up your ego. Imagine being poked and prodded by doctors, strangers walking into the room and checking out every hair on your body, disgust clearly evident on their faces.

Imagine going to the dentist and being more afraid of the hygienist seeing the fact that you shave rather than fearing the dentist.

Then there is my biggest fear: surgery. Waking up and thinking about all the people who know your deep, dark secret. Then hoping somehow you can at least shave your face.

Imagine losing sight in one eye because you did not go for surgery in time to save your sight, due to the fact that someone might find out your “secret”. Then the reality of surgery...of not being able to shave/shower or use make-up, of having a heart monitor attached onto your hairy chest, of having a nurse want to scrub your hairy back, or having a needle of painkiller into your hairy butt.....

Imagine telling your longtime friend why you can’t go to the beach with her then never hearing from her again. Imagine trying to explain to people why you can’t get up, dressed and showered in 15 minutes

Imagine you’re out shopping for clothes and you’re half nude and the sales person peeks in to see how your pants fit. You see the look of horror on their face and realize you have to come out and face them and never, ever return to that store again.

Imagine not being able to wear anything see-through, low cut either in front or in back, nothing without a collar, etc.

Imagine you tell your mother about your deep, dark secret and you never get a word out of her about it, not then and not now. Or you tell her about it and he attitude is “so what, no one’s gonna notice you anyway”.

Imagine someone’s fallen in love with you and now you must risk losing them by telling them your deep, dark secret. Imagine being 36 years old and having never been in love because everyone runs like hell when you tell them how hairy you are. Imagine telling someone you really, really like how hairy you are and having them say something like “it doesn’t matter” and then they invent excuses not to call or see you again. Imagine being afraid of dating someone for fear they will want to touch your face ... maybe an attempt to see if you shave......

Imagine not being able to go out after 5 pm for fear of a 5 o’clock shadow.

Imagine being afraid of being paralyzed from the waist up because you can’t shave. Imagine being afraid of a coma because of your deep, dark secret.

That’s only a few things that we go through daily.

Imagine people staring at your hairy forearms when you are out in public, and they make snickering remarks. Imagine a little child coming up to you, in a room full of adults, and loudly saying “you have dark hair on your arms” and everyone looks at the profusion of dark hair on your arms.

Please understand I don’t like being hirsute but I’m forced to accept it every morning. Also know that we can remove the hairs daily but not the mental scars that come with being hirsute. And bear in mind that sometimes there are medical problems also associated with hirsutism.

As I’ve explained to Sally Sue, the medical condition I have and she most likely has is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Symptoms include male musculature, high levels of testosterone, lack of menstruation, infertility, male pattern hair loss and huge sexual appetite.

To those that have written and said I must be hairy because my mother was hairy or because my grandmother is Italian, WRONG. My grandmother came over from Russia and my folks are not hairy at all. This is not ethnic for me, it is medical.

The high levels of testosterone in my body make me massively muscled and in fact many, many, many times I’ve had body builders tell me they are jealous of my legs because they are so heavily muscled. And I mean very well defined muscles.

Sometimes you can cure the medical problems and still be left with the hair and that’s never easy on ones mind.

Not totally true, Sally Sue. For a year I took a combination of medications designed to lower my testosterone level and lose the hair. These meds cost $600 per month and included Premarin, Provera, Spirinolactone, birth-control pills as well as a nasal spray that brings on early menopause and costs $300 per bottle. The meds did cause me to lose a significant amount of body hair but not in the places i wanted to lose it. I stopped meds in March, 1995 after realizing I was going to be hairy and if someone couldn’t deal with my hirsutism, it was THEIR problem, not mine, as I was still an okay person. I am happy to report that the hair has grown back in pretty heavily and in some places now resembles fur. Some hair turned blonde and now is turned very dark brown again.

So the next time you look at a picture in this magazine try to understand our journey to this magazine may have been made just to be understood and accepted without ridicule and hopefully some inner peace can be attained through it all. Also note, not long ago I felt alone and also suicidal, so I wrote in a letter to a newspaper article called “Back Fence” and was surprised at mainly 2 responses who led me to Pam who let me know I’m not alone. You most definitely are not alone.

. Feeling alone is awful, especially if you feel alone because society forces it on you is even worse. I felt like death was the only way to remove the hair. I still feel like death will be the end of all this because in a sense that’s true but now I’ve found someone who understands what I go through ‘cause she’s been there and we go through the same things. I have felt many similar feelings my entire life, a life that has been mostly sad because my hirsutism has not allowed me to grow socially. The agony and pain of continually being ridiculed because of the hair has made me painfully shy, also.

 But please know I accept myself now and I will go on with life knowing I’m not alone and thank fate for sending me to Pam. (Pam grins!) -A hirsute women who knows she’s not alone!

Pam is pleased to announce the formation of HIRSUTE HEALERS, a support group exclusively for hirsute women. I plan a newsletter shortly and coded contact ads for women to meet and connect with other women going through the same painful experience.

One thing I must stress to hirsute women, besides the fact that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE OKAY THE WAY YOU ARE. If other people can’t deal with your hirsutism, tell ‘em to go fuck off. You are who you are, hairy or not and no one in this whole world has the right to put you down, comment or make fun of you for your hirsutism. No one is perfect.
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